I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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