I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize