It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
