so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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