and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
