So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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