dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
