Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
