Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
