You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
