remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
