Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pants are for mortals
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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