take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just forgot I was standing up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
