Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
