Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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