Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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