Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
