She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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