I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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