for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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