we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
