Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
