The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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