And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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