you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
