I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
