batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I want a musical about memes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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