The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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