I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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