you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
