i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
