and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
