I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
