Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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