Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
