He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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