Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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