I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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