now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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