dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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