I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
