That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
