I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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