I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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