so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
