Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
