She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
