Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
