I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
