I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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