Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
