things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
