Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
