so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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