i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize