Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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