he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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