i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
