Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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