They should really pass out barf bags in church
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
