i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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