Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
