Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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