Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We need to get me chipped asap
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
