Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
