There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's paint friendship bongs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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