I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
