Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
