I faked an abortion last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
