can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
