we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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