like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
