we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
