If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
