Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
