i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
