Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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