I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
