the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
