So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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