My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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