my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
