Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
