Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
