One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
