you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
