My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
