What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
