some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
