thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
