You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your cock deserves a montage
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
