What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
