There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
