we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
