They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
