Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
