he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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