At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize