her vagine was all disorganized.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
