That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
