Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
