So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
