Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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