just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
