Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
