so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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