I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
porn star boner night. come get it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
