someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i barfeds in our rink
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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