You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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