i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
