All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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