your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
