Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
