you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
