I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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