Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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