i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
