You're a womanizer and a bitch.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
