I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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