No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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